July 9, 2009

Times are tough, I didn't think that I would struggle this much. I have 2 big problems. One is that I'm still homesick. It's pretty ridiculous. What can I say? I have the best family ever, so of course I'm going to miss them. And two - my testimony is weak sauce. It's tough to be out here defending your faith, and going up to someone's door step (interrupting their lives) and testifying of the gospel that I don't feel like I even have a strong testimony in. If I'm not homesick, then I feel like crap for being out here preaching something that I don't feel 100% positive about. Then when I feel homesick and doubt at the same time - oh man, it hurts. I need a miracle. It's hard. I believe that I can get through this, but it's hard to keep that faith and keep hoping when nothing gets better. I need to have a more positive attitude for sure, but things are rough. I love missionary work - it is great, and I just have the obstacles in my way that I need to get over - especially strengthening my testimony. How am I supposed to convert others to the gospel when I don't feel like I am?