June 7 2009

Today was a rough day. Dang, I feel like I'm struggling. I was pretty homesick today. I miss the fam. and my friends. Being out here has really made me realize that I have the best family in the world. Seriously. I feel like I'm struggling then add the homesickness on top, and it's tough. I really worry about my testimony. I'm really doubting and I feel like I'm losing hope. Like it's not going to get any better. The problem may be that I think/worry too much. Like yesterday (oops I mean Friday) in the temple, I didn't have this huge spiritual experience, so ten I began to worry if I was feeling the spirit at all, plus I was worrying about having bad thoughts - so then I did, and it kept going downhill from there. Then after the frustrating experience in the temple (that was supposed to be uplifting) I start having really bad doubts like if I didn't feel the spirit in the temple then maybe it's not true. This all sounds ridiculous, but I'm trying. I want to be a good missionary, but I don't know what I'm doing. I'm trying, but sometimes it seems like it's getting worse. Not to mention E. Cain is driving me crazy. I'm trying to love him, but it's just not happening. Today was just rough. WE have to have our downs so we can have our ups I guess.