May 14, 2009

Today it seemed like we wasted lots of time. As time goes on, I think I'm getting used to missionary work, but I thought that missionaries would be a lot more busy. Today we had district meeting and there was a mix up in communication - the sisters thought we were meeting in San Ramon so they went there, but we were actually supposed to meet in Danville - where we met. So it took a while to sort that out and we lost about 45 minutes. Then E. Cain has his blood drawn and that took a bit as well. After that we had lunch then organized the Area Book a bit more. That was productive, but still felt like we weren't doing much. Then we did our 5 to 7 tracting that actually went really well! We got a return appointment on the very first door we knocked! The street that we knocked was primarily people from India. They are very, very friendly people but are Hindu and didn't seem very interested but were very kind. I've also been worrying (too much) about my testimony. Sometimes I have doubts and worry if this church is true. I've been Mormon my whole life and it's all I've ever known. I definitely have a testimony, but it's not as strong as I thought it was. I've ben praying to know if the Book or Mormon is true and need to be patient in receiving my answer. I guess it's just hard, to invite others to join the church and knock on their doors and be - in some ways - kind of annoying, if I don't have that firm believe in the gospel that I desire to have. I need to keep pressing forward, having faith. Then sometimes when I have doubts about the gospel, I get really homesick. I think - if the gospel isn't true, then I am out here wasting 2 years of my life, away from my family. I want to get rid of these horrible doubts and fears. I will not give in. I'm going to work hard and build my testimony. I cannot do it alone. The Lord has blessed me so much, and I need to recognize His blessings more and rely on my Savior. It's just hard. I am really grateful and blessed to have a good trainer. Elder Cain works hard. He is kind of different but I'm trying to look at hist strengths, not his weaknesses. He likes to sing a lot and most of the time I wish he wouldn't. Wow, I'm a horrible person. Elder Cain is a great guy. Well, San Ramon just keeps growing on me. It gets more beautiful every day. I'm grateful to be here. I hope I can be the missionary the Lord wants me to be. I'm trying to listen to the spirit and strengthen my testimony.